Exploring the Emotional Barriers to Estate Planning
According to multiple surveys, over half the American population does not have a will or trust (the exact number varies depending on the survey, but it’s always more than 50%).
Those who have completed their estate plan are probably sputtering, congratulating themselves, or thinking of a relative or loved one that hasn’t made a will or trust yet. For these people, it’s incomprehensible that so many people haven’t completed this relatively simple task. This article is aimed at people wondering why they can’t get their loved ones to move forward on this, and for those readers who have been thinking about a will or trust but find themselves hesitating.
While there are certainly logistical, financial or legal barriers that can get in the way of creating a will or trust, we’re going to look at emotional barriers. Here are 5 emotion-based reasons people put off making a will or trust:
- Fear of Death. By creating a will or trust, you are acknowledging your own mortality. This is an uncomfortable thought that most people don’t want to deal with. The young and the healthy are particularly averse to considering their own death, because they prefer to think it’s a long way off. These people often won’t move forward until they are either confronted with their own mortality (e.g. a serious health issue), or their concern for a loved one that depends on them (e.g. a child) overrides their discomfort.
- Fear of Conflict. When you create a will or trust, you have to make decisions about where everything goes and who will be in charge of getting it there. These decisions can upset family members, making them feel slighted or digging up past conflicts. Some people worry about causing more friction by putting a plan in place, and they need reassurance that a solid and thoughtful plan is one of the most effective ways to reduce conflict rather than create it.
- Fear of Making Mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes, but some people are particularly afraid of making mistakes with their will or trust. If they choose the wrong executor or trustee, their wishes won’t be carried out, and if they choose the wrong beneficiary, their money could get squandered or their cherished items won’t be valued. These people need reassurance that they can always make changes to their will or trust, so they are not “locked in” to the choices they make today.
- Fear of Losing Control. While you retain full control over your choices and finances today, estate planning requires accepting that, eventually, someone else will be in charge, and they may not handle things exactly the way you want or expect. This is a frightening thought for some people; I have had several clients and prospects who refused to move forward when I couldn’t guarantee that everything would be done exactly as they wanted it. At the end of the day, it all comes down to trust. You have to trust that you made good choices and that everyone will honor your wishes. You also have to accept the possibility that you can do everything right and things can still go wrong.
- Decision Overwhelm. Not everything is about fear. You need to make a lot of decisions when you put a will and trust together, and for some people that’s overwhelming. Deciding who gets a prized possession or a hard-earned business, who you trust to be in charge, who will raise your kids…it can be a lot, and many of those decisions carry their own emotional baggage. Our brains are hard-wired to shut down or redirect when faced with decision overwhelm, so it’s not surprising that people in this situation don’t move forward. The most helpful thing for these people is to work with someone who can guide them through the process, breaking it into manageable steps and helping them think through the harder decisions along the way.
At the end of the day, emotional barriers are rarely overcome through logic or practicality alone. They are usually best addressed with other emotions. For the person facing the barrier, it might be fear of what will happen without a will or trust, or it could be care and concern for the people they love. For someone trying to help their loved one move past the barrier, it could be empathy, understanding and reassurance – or you can scare them with horror stories of people who died without a will. You know them best; I won’t judge.
If you would like my help to create a will or trust, or get your questions answered so it feels less overwhelming, you are welcome to email me at kaway@kawaylaw.com.
